Wednesday, September 22, 2010

It's a Vision

Visual memories make up the way I think. My mind acts as a filter by leaving images in my mind that have created a feeling. I visual memory that always seems to occur is one that happens everyday I am outside. The expression on people's faces as I walk and they pass by. Some starring so hard as if I have done something wrong, or as if they know me. Some staring so hard I expect them to say hello. I stare directly back but nothing is said. It's sometimes amazing to know if I do not initiate, there will be nothing. What a multidimensional power relationship. It is the feeling of being burdened to reach out in order to get "touched" by people who constantly assault you with their eyes. It always make me wonder is it a good look or a bad look. Am I too "ghetto" to be walking around campus? Am I too "real"? Am I too dark? too crazy looking?, too good looking? Then I begin to question if it even matters to me.

Leaving class, I walked down North College Ave. I loud car full of college girls began to scream flirtatious words in my direction. I didn't realize they were talking to me until I looked around and I was the only one there. As they passed by, the girls in the back turn completely around to continue gawking in my direction. However I met back up parallel to them at an interection and they remained silent. As soon as the light turned green and the car sped off, they resumed their flirting with me and their words faded out as I continued walking. There is a ridiculous power relationship that occurred. The girls became quiet as I approached their car at the intersection however once they got moving again, the girls became more aggressive. It was like the moving car became a mask or security blanket. How come this rarely happens when I am walking amongst others who walk and stare. Maybe they can't get away fast enough or maybe they are afraid of coming too close and handling my response?

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